Have a question? See our Frequently Asked Questions
1st Contact? What to say?
First impressions are important online as much as they are in person A good subject line followed by an effective message can be the difference between receiving a response or not.
Try these seven simple suggestions to help you get started:
- Be personable and complimentary
- Everyone likes a compliment. Whether you say you are enamored with his or her disarming smile or impressed with their scope of answers to the profile questions a compliment is welcomed and well received.
- Do not send a bio or generic letters
- Generic letters are impersonal and a total buzz kill, so avoid sending the same introductory email to everyone you want to meet and leave the cut and paste function for work. Tell the person whom you writing what it was about their profile that piqued your interest. Tell the person in what ways you believe the two of you to be compatible. The more personable and engaging your email is, the better it will be received.
- Be positive and comfortable in your skin
- All too often members begin their message(s) with a statement like, "I created my profile as joke...", "I can't believe I'm doing this" or "I'm not sure if you'll like my profile, but..." Start your conversation with a dash of confidence and a pinch of personality. Serve it up warm and watch the responses roll in.
- Be polite
- Treat others as you wish to be treated. To be pushy or rude with members will get your message straight into the "delete" box. Be friendly and amicable - after all, we are all on this site to make friends and to meet our soul mate.
- Emphasize common interests
- What common interests, hobbies, attitudes do you share with him/her. Emphasize these common interests
- Use "emoticons"
- Use our "emoticons" to display your fun and creative side.
- Be Honest
- "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
- Take your time before requesting direct contact information
- The anonymity of online dating gives you time to get acquainted safely before you decide to talk on the phone or meet in person. Take your time in getting to know the other person and value your privacy. To be too pushy for personal information (phone number, etc.) is a turn off and sure red flag for experienced online users who use dating services.
- Get an anonymous e-mail address. If you need one, try Yahoo or Hotmail.
- Never include your last name, home address, phone number, place of work, or other identifying information in initial e-mails. Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you for this information.
- Take your time in getting to know your newfound cyberfriend and trust your instincts, even if there's no logical basis for them. After all, you can never be absolutely positive about someone's background, motives, or future behavior.
- If you decide to meet someone offline, meet in a public place at a time when many people are present. Never meet at one of your homes or places of employment. Avoid hikes, bike rides, or drives in remote areas for the first few dates. Make sure you end the date while there are still other people present. Always make sure that a friend or family member knows about your date.
- If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your own car and a hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. If the location at which you agreed to meet seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Always make sure a friend or family member knows of your plans and has contact information.
- Don't plan an entire day together. Meet for one activity and keep it at an hour or two. Have fun and keep things light at first.
- Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration, or attempts at pressuring or controlling you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments, or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags indicating unhealthy or dangerous people.
- If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to defuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help, or slip out the back door and drive away. If you have to, call the police. Never feel embarrassed or worried about your behavior. It's always better to be safe than sorry.